i've been enjoying receiving birthday notifications all day long from all across the world. my dear sweet Lord has blessed me with some dear sweet friends. so thankful.
the last year of my life was pretty intense. a year ago today i received my initial sponsorship to be a missionary in the UK. it expired twice, and my visa wasn't able to be processed. the Lord gives, the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
a year ago next week i was in the hospital getting my first round of chemo. i was on crazy pills for months and chemo for four weeks, and foggily lived through my adrenal system shutting down for a while. today i can look back and see God's faithful hand at work in my life and in my health. my platelets have been sustained at normal levels for months, and i only have to get them checked once every EIGHT weeks. pretty sure i'll never have such a needle-filled year again! God is so, so good to me.
a year ago i had no idea that my 25th year would be the last year of my life with my sweet grandma in it. but the Lord knew. i am so thankful i was home the final year of her life, and that i got to see her often. i'm so happy she's with Jesus now, even though it's a little weird not getting a birthday card from her in the mail with a picture of a cheeky little girl with huge glasses and out-of-control curls looking back at me. i am so thankful for my grandma's legacy. i know i'll see her soon.
a year ago i couldn't really imagine what life would look like today, or in the time between then and now. it certainly surprised me. it's been hard, and intense, and stretching, and discouraging, and life-giving, and hopeful, and peaceful, and joyful.
a year ago i was really seeking to understand. life. calling. ministry. the gospel. lots of things, all tied together, all at once. i'm still at that point today, but i have a year's worth of study and prayer and questioning behind me, and one more year of being washed by the Word of God. i'm growing and my mind is being renewed. it's not my goodness; it's all His.
a year ago i was waiting. waiting for paperwork, waiting to hear if my platelets were dropping, waiting to hear if i needed chemo, waiting for visas, waiting for a green light, waiting for direction. waiting, waiting, waiting. but trusting the Lord and knowing His goodness, in the midst of waiting.
a year ago i thought i'd be done waiting by now. the thought strikes me now and then that: "i could have been done with a complete other season of my life by now if this or that would have happened!" true, but this was the season for the past year. and, i must add that a year ago, i had no idea i'd take a 10-week journey this fall across europe to visit missionary friends, to bless and build up, and also to be blessed and built up myself. oh Lord, You are so good. i needed every bit of that trip, and it happened so naturally and came about so quickly. You really did it. when the time is right, nothing can stop You from accomplishing Your will.
and so, the fact remains that the waiting season remains. i have learned contentment more times than i ever thought necessary. it is absolutely necessary. without contentment, any season can be the worst. but godliness with contentment is great gain. when we come to Jesus, we do find rest for our souls, no matter the outward circumstances or inner questions and fears. for while a season may seem as though its only goal is learning patience, a great many other lessons can be learned meanwhile. and i believe God's Word when He says that chastening is necessary so that the beloved children may be partakers of His holiness. i want that. it's worth the wait. fruit takes time.
one day soon, i suppose, this waiting season will be over. maybe this year. maybe not. maybe i can already guess what'll happen. maybe; probably not. nevertheless, i'll just wait, and seek to understand the Lord's will, to know the Lord, and to be found in Him. He has begun a good work in me, and will be faithful to complete it!
You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. John 15:16
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