neglect.

i feel like my blog has become "that person" that i don't especially want to talk to. i stop by occasionally to check on it [as it is, after all, the work of my own hands], but rarely do i sit down to think something out and post it anymore. i've also been bad at replying to emails. in the current battle of my conscience, Blog v. Emails, blog wins.

it's raining, and 41 degrees. i knew about the temperature, but had hoped to go for a walk. i probably still will. it'll feel like siegen, without the hills. springtime is taking a very long time to warm up this year. it kind of feels like a broken record stuck on a dreary march day.

i can't believe i wrote so much while i was sick in feb/march. something must have given my mind a little boost in productivity. it's hard to stay motivated these days, to tell the truth. i know i can't blame it entirely on lack of sunshine, but i know that's a factor in my plight.

i've been reading a series of fiction on the days leading up to WWII. it's been interesting, but i'm considering ditching the whole thing after i finish the last 75 pages of this third book. i admire prolificacy to some degree, but i think i'll stick to the opinion that a great book is well-written for many reasons, not the least of which being a good, solid ending. let's not drag this along too far, shall we?

i found a record player at the thrift shop a couple days ago. it's an Arvin, and lacks a needle and presumably a belt. but it has built-in speakers that hum when i turn it on, so i think it's fixable. i'm not much of a project girl, so i'm working up the nerve and determination to tear it apart, in hopes of putting it back together again and enjoying it. i thought it looked small, but next to my computer it's a giant. it's in a blue and beige carry-case, and came with some old jazz records inside. hoping hoping.

my health is stable, it seems! platelets are behaving. i am thankful. i am blessed.

i applied for a new passport last week. now i am waiting to receive that fresh little blue book of empty pages, full of promise of much international adventure. i "overnighted" it, actually, to try to add some speed to the renewal process. it got there two and a half days/nights later, and i was reimbursed my eighteen original dollars. kind of a nice ending to a hectic story. no time was saved, but i got free shipping.

after i receive my passport, i can work on applying for my visa to england. 2011 has been a year thus far of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. it takes patience to learn patience. "let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." [james 1] i want to be trained by this time of waiting- that it may "yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness" [hebrews 12]. so i'll wait to get my passport, and then i'll see if my sponsorship can be used, and if it has expired, i'll apply for it again, and wait for it to be processed, and eventually apply for a visa, and afterwards wait to receive approval or rejection. my times are in God's hands. praying that His will is done, and that my heart remains teachable and movable. many question marks lie above my horizons these days! i'd love to move on but for now the only directive i've received is "Wait."

i can't believe it's almost the end of april, or that Resurrection Sunday is in a few days. it is good to remember what Jesus has done on our behalf- and most importantly, that He is alive! my grandma is coming to visit; the sun is rumored to appear; i'm hoping to make challah bread.

days form weeks and weeks form months and slowly and surely this year keeps turning round. i've always thought of the calendar year as a circle in my mind; sometimes a vertical loop, other times a horizontal ring. kind of like a really high-tech early-90's computer illustration. i avoid at all costs updating my computer, so i'm fairly certain my loop will look this old and simple when i'm 80. but it always keeps on moving.

so teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. [ps 90:12]