awakening.

winter makes me tired. hibernation seems to be an inherent instinct, at least in far-north-dwellers such as i. the biggest battle of winter seems to be one of resisting tiredness, of exerting great effort toward staying awake, of climbing out of complacency and trying to accomplish at least something before the sun goes down. after the sun departs for the afternoon... it only gets harder!

i don't like feeling tired. there have been points this winter when i've felt like there's a cloud over my mind, keeping me from even feeling awake, and taking all my energy with it. no amounts of coffee can help this sort of feeling - in fact, coffee only makes it worse, after a certain amount has been surpassed. when i feel tired, i become slightly irrational, small things become big deals in my mind, and i can't accomplish anything.

today i've felt tired. i've felt like there's a missing connection between my head and my body [not as much as i felt earlier this winter, but that was for an entirely different reason]. i felt like i just couldn't "kick into gear" all day at work.

but outside, it's beginning to awaken with thoughts toward springtime. it's sunny and warm and melty - just like in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe when spring begins because Aslan has returned! it's wonderful. i went outside in tall rubber boots [fondly referred to as Dog Boots in our family, which title dates back to the days when we had a dog and chores were accomplished in similar footwear], and enjoyed pushing snow and ice off of the trampoline, walking around the general neighborhood, and tromping straight through slushy puddles on street corners and sidewalks, whilst filling my lungs with the chilly yet sun-warmed air. it woke me up.

spring is the coming-again-to-life. i've lately been thinking of last year's change of seasons- we had a similar brutally cold and snowy winter, which ended abruptly on the first of march. from then on we had a month of fog and block-long puddles- but no more snow. i was outside nearly every day, walking through the mist, noticing the size of the puddles on this or that street, and relishing in the sounds and sights and smells of a gradually awakening spring. eventually i got my bike and the radius of my adventures increased as the waters receded and the sun warmed the earth.

i've thought lately about seasons, and why people choose their favorite of the four. i've long thought fall was my favorite: it is quite an agreeable temperature, and really lovely to behold in all its glory. it's terribly reminiscent. i don't think many people pick winter as their favorite in this climate, although i do know a few who have said as much, but it is beautiful albeit long. my favorite attribute of winter is its wonderfully white and subdued color scheme. the whites and tans and greys and hints of red and wonderfully blue january skies are one of the most inspiring seasons to me. summer is probably my favorite season of the past few years- i can't get enough of sunshine and warmth, although i'm not terribly partial to humidity or bugs. and we all know that i love to ride my bike, especially to watch the cornfields get plowed - and grow - and surpass me in height - and freeze - and turn from green to nearly white - and get harvested - and return to the rich gray-black of freshly plowed earth. it must be acknowledged that the saturation of color and peculiarity of light before, during, and after a summer thunderstorm is one of the most thrilling of all sights to behold. summer is bright and the days are long and the nights are even nice.

but this year i think i most anticipate spring. not for happenings [which shall assuredly come], nor life changes [which seem to be probable], nor birthdays [which are nice and quite regular in occurrence; i had one yesterday], nor for plans or even purposes. i most anticipate spring because i've seen and known the depth of life which springs forth from the depths of the earth and gradually changes the entire face of the world, and i desperately want to see it happen again. it's warmth on your face and light past dinner time and the joy of daily checking the progress of the crocuses. it's the smell of outdoors which cannot be duplicated in any other season. it's the hope of summer and the reality of spring. it's even seeing worms again, no matter how loath i am to touch them! it's especially seeing the grass, and the mud, and the birds, and the bunnies, and the buds on the trees. it's the gradual progression from wearing boots-scarf-coat-mittens to boots-scarf to flats-scarf to the first day when you don't wear any of the above and you don't get your feet soaked, and it's glorious!

it's also merely the 28th of january, and i realistically allow that the negative side of zero shall yet again soon be attained, that more snow shall inevitably come, that bare feet shall not soon be the wisest course of action. but oh, today makes me hopeful for the springtime. i desire awakening in my heart and mind and life. i so love the seasons and the lessons which they so regularly enact for our especial benefit and learning. i love that a season of darkness gives my heart greater expectancy for a season of light. seasons are good for us. so i'll enjoy the winter while it's here, but i do very eagerly await the beautiful reawakening of spring, with a cup of tea in hand.