yeah!

voice is on the mend, and friday's still a go!
ticket has been purchased. i get a few extra days in germany AND a whole day with my friends in england before i fly home. win, win.
going to münster with katha this afternoon to visit chris and nada and the church! so excited.

on a more thoughtful note, do you write/blog/journal what the Lord is doing in your life? it is such a blessing and a stamp of approval of faith to look back and read what the Lord has taught me this year. i can see His hand of faithfulness, His wisdom, His guidance, His provision, His higher plans than mine, and His promise to remain ever faithful to His name and His Word. He did put things on my heart and He was faithful to do them. how do i get in such a tizzy so often? glad being God is His job, and being His is mine.

oh, life in Him is glorious. don't forget to remember! and once you remember, rest in the simple abundant life of abiding in Him.

requests:

voice needs to be restored! i've got big plans for it on friday. i'm on antibiotics till wednesday. every day it's a little better! but please pray.
ticket to england needs to happen. internet, airline website, and credit card are all involved in a terrible scheme to prevent me from purchasing one. pray for the right timing, and that i'll actually be able to book something... the plan is to leave in less than a week, if i can get a flight..!

life is beautiful. don't forget it.
and don't forget to enjoy it.

one more week.

it's sunday night, i'm curled up on my favorite couch with tea and candles, and getting ready for my last week in germany.

the last time i updated was after holland. plenty has happened since then. i went to visit my friend B and her sweet little boy ezra, and we spent about a day and a half together. her husband gerson is another good friend of mine, but he was out of town. we all started here in siegen the same semester.. 5 years ago! crazy how much can change in 5 years. the Lord's been very good to us. it's always a blessing to talk with them about ministry and life.

the rest of the week was spent gearing up for the next leg of my journey, and trying to rest up and not get sick. [the illness was merely delayed.] for on saturday the 22nd, i and four dear german friends got on a plane and headed to the middle east/asia minor for a week long prayer outreach.

we spent time in two cities, and our agenda was to pray. so we had times of prayer in our hotel, at tea places, walking around the cities and by the sea, and at a few other places which had nice views of the cities. one of the cities has a few known believers; the other has none. it's a muslim country. 

it was a stretching week. you'd think a week of praying wouldn't be so hard. but it really is exerting. we were often tired, and all of us got sick at some point during the week. i had a fever two nights, and a really sore throat which led to a cough which led to bronchitis. three of the others either had or currently have bronchitis. i've spent the past week just resting and trying to recover from that. some nights were fairly sleepless, some days seemed like we were running against a brick wall. some days it was hard to keep praying. some days it was hard to focus on what was being said, especially for me, the resident native english speaker. my german reached new heights last week, out of necessity! it was hard to just live and be but also realize the spiritual reality of the places we were in. but despite the hard things, it was such a blessed week.

it's our work to believe God. it's seems much easier to have a checklist and to do those things, one at a time, and to look back on our progress. it's another thing entirely to go and to just believe and to ask the Lord for faith to believe great things of Him. to believe that multitudes will come to know the Savior who loves them. one couple we met, who are believers, said they had never heard that God could love, before they heard of Jesus. this is a foreign thing, but the gospel reaches beyond culture. it reaches hearts. it saves souls.

it was an eye-opening week. it was a motive-challenging week. "why do i really believe what i believe?" "is christianity so important to me that i would come to a place where people are sometimes openly hostile toward it, to share the love of God, regardless of the outcome or response?" when it comes down to it, i think my faith had to grow down roots last week, or make wings and fly and never again be seen. faith has to be real in a place like that. if it isn't real, then it certainly isn't worth losing everything for it. if it isn't worth losing everything, that they may gain everything God has in store for them, then why would i even dare to presume that people would want it?

the reality is, Jesus died and rose again that the whole world might have life. they have to choose what to do with Jesus. [but first they have to hear about Him. and how will they hear unless they are told? and how will those tellers and gospel-proclaimers preach unless they are sent? how beautiful, indeed, are the feet of those who proclaim the good news...] 

and i have to choose what to do with Jesus. am i only willing to serve Him when i'm in a comfortable place with people who are like me, in a nice church building with comfortable chairs and really good worship and a sound doctrinal message? is that really what church is about? we know it's not supposed to be that way... but so often, it stops there. we like things to be beautiful, and nice, and comforting to ourselves. often we simply do church because. not necessarily that Jesus' name would receive the glory and the praise- that every tongue in heaven and earth would confess that Jesus is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

i think we often don't think about why we're christians. we don't think about the gospel. it makes life better for us, right? sweet. totally. i can't imagine my life without Jesus. i would be a basketcase without Jesus. He is daily renewing me. but in that renewing process there had to come a point where i took a cold hard stare at the gospel and said "do i really mean it all? is it really worth my all? and if so, am i really giving my all? and is Jesus worthy of my all?" i'm still at that point. i need to understand the gospel, in its simplicity and its power. the gospel is brutal to sin and the flesh. the gospel is not about all that i can get for me. the gospel is the best thing that can happen to me. we are meant to be in a personal relationship with God and He wants it and i need it- and He has to deal with sin in order to make that happen. so there's the cross. so there's the blood of Jesus which washes sinners white as snow. so there's grace- great marvelous grace, which is a free gift, and in which i stand, and by which i am saved from the black hole of trying to work my way to God and salvation. there's hope in Jesus. there's life in Jesus. He only is the way, the truth, and the life. He is indeed the truth- if you don't believe it, try Him and see. if you seek Him, you will indeed find Him. He said so. He doesn't lie.

so my mind is still trying to process all these thoughts. to understand the gospel with my heart. i'll never fully get it with my head. the wisdom of God seems like foolishness to man. but He ordained it to be that way. i'll never with persuasive words of human wisdom be able to show people why Jesus is the only way. but in sincerity and truth, preaching Christ alone and Him crucified, i can offer life abundant through Him. the gospel is so simple, but it requires all your heart, soul, mind and strength. it requires your whole life.

so i want my life to be sincere. i don't like games. i don't like saying one thing and doing another. i might do it sometimes but i know it isn't right. we're called to holiness. we're called to godliness. we're called to leave our sin at the foot of the cross. maybe that sin is unbelief, maybe it's compromise, maybe it's saying we're walking in the light when actually we're still walking in the dark. maybe it's not truly loving one another, maybe it's not letting God put His finger on our sin and wash us clean, maybe it's just not obeying the Word, or not even reading the Word. maybe it's living by fear and not faith. maybe it's letting the enemy control our thoughts and not letting Jesus truly be the Lord of our lives. maybe it's not obeying what we know the Lord has told us to do. sin's ugly. we're people. we all sin. but there's hope. there's life in Jesus- and there's the Holy Spirit who does the work within us, making us new, transforming us, making us like Jesus, producing good fruit within us as we abide in Him.

this turned into kind of a long rant. it's not really directed toward anyone in particular. maybe it's because it's directed toward myself. i need Jesus. i need Him to deal with my sin. and i know that as He does that, He is also directing every single step of my life. in Him i find everything i need. everything.

i have one more week in germany.. a little less, actually. then a few days in england. and then home again. there will without doubt be countless people in the next two weeks who ask me what i'm doing with my life. where i'm going. when i'm going. bla bla bla. i don't really have answers for them. i didn't come out here to find answers. i came out here because i knew i needed it, and i knew i was supposed to come. and at the end of my trip, i can truly say i was supposed to come. i did need it. it was wonderful. [it still is.]

this trip has given me great perspective. i've seen so many ministries, met so many people, had so many conversations, shared my heart so many times, prayed with so many, and have spent hours trying to process it all.. ministry, calling, life, choices, big things, little things. everything. i haven't figured it all out yet. but this i know: God's work is His work, and it's a blessing to be part of it, whether in the thick of it or praying from halfway across the world. [if you're a christian, you probably ought to be in one of those two camps at all times, and probably both of those camps most of the time. just saying.]

and this i also know: God directs the steps of the righteous. if you've read this far, you've seen a bit of my heart. i don't know if i'll ever share this stuff with you personally. maybe. we'll see. but instead of fretting for yourself or for me what we shall with our lives do, let us trust the Lord, commit our way unto Him, and watch Him bring it to pass. be careful, friends, in suggesting an abundance of good things to people who want to do the best thing. it can be fairly crippling. i've received many an invitation, many a welcome, many a suggestion of what to do with my life. they were all well-meant, but those things please me and frighten me at once. i trust in the Lord to give me direction, to put on my heart what to do next, and what to do after that. i do not want to live fearing the future or what could be. i want to walk by faith. help me to do that. pray that the Lord will continue to strengthen my faith in Him, though that may mean having an even looser grasp on the things of this world, and that He would be true to His Word and continue to faithfully direct my steps. i just want to please Him and do His will. wherever, whenever, whatever. He's my Lord.

maybe that all makes sense, maybe it bored you enough to make you check your facebook, maybe it struck a nerve. either way, that's where i'm at. i want to obey Jesus. and i want to bring honor to His name. sometimes that takes sacrifice- not legalistic sacrifice, but obedience. it'll cost you to obey Jesus. it might cost you some of the nice things you like the best, if they're getting in between you and Jesus. but if He asks for them and you're willing to give them to Him, it'll bless you more than you can imagine. so be transformed by the renewing of your minds in the washing of the water of the Word this week, friends. time's short. let's redeem it. let's be all His. let's love Him with all our hearts, and love people how He loves us. let's walk in sincerity and truth. He is absolutely worth it. our lives may not seem like they matter so much in the long run. but a heart that seeks after the Lord and desires to honor Him is always, always blessed. let's be blessed.

the middle east.

holland!

i'm back from a really quick but amazing trip to holland! we were supposed to go on friday.. but due to various circumstances, we left early saturday morning, sabine and i, in katha's little car. i drove.

it took us about 3 and a half hours to get to stan and marnie's. holland is such a beautiful country. it's incredibly flat, with canals being nearly as common as streets, and swans and sheep wandering about everywhere. and there are fields still full of flowers- i can't even imagine what it would be like in the springtime. we got to stan and marnie's and had coffee with them and maarten, catching each other up on things that have been going on. the last time i was at their house was 5 years ago, my first semester in germany. a group of us from the bible college drove out there to visit them and to pray with them about the church they were going to be planting a couple months after we were there. since then, i've heard reports of an awesome work going on in holland. maarten and roloef came to the bible college to study, the same two years that i was interning and on staff. roelof left a semester before he graduated, and maarten graduated the next semester, which was my last. i led worship all the time with roloef in siegen, and at the black forest academy twice. maarten went on my outreach team to vienna and was the person responsible for getting me on facebook [he reminds me of that every time we meet!]. they're really sweet guys and it was such a joy to see them again, this time in their home church.

saturday afternoon bini and i went to the BEACH and had such a great time taking pictures, looking at seashells, enjoying the sunshine, sliding down the sand dunes, and knowing that for those few hours, nothing was wrong in the world and we could just enjoy it!
saturday night stan's nephew and his girlfriend came over for dinner, and we sat around talking for a long time. they aren't believers, but this was the first time they opened up with s&m and talked about the Lord and asked questions! it was really cool to be there for that. and marnie made her famous burgers. you need to get to know marnie and experience her burgers. trust me. i also tried some drop, which is salty black licorice. wasn't too keen on the first one but by sunday afternoon i was really liking them! they sent me home with the rest of the package, to encourage my newfound habit.
sunday morning was church at cc cross culture! it was great. i got to lead worship with roelof- 5 songs in english and two in dutch! i loved it!! dutch is fairly similar to german, so i understood some of the words, and i knew what the songs meant already, but it was absolutely delightful trying to read and pronounce along while singing harmony. SO MUCH FUN. i need to learn dutch. they use their throat a lot, and their R's aren't as tricky as german ones! :)
roelof translated the service for bin and i, which was really helpful- we were in 1 thessalonians. got to hang out and drink coffee afterwards, and then they packed everything up and we went home to have lunch with s&m, their daughter alyssa and her fiancé michel, and maarten. another fun time talking and sharing. we were helping maarten try to figure out how to decorate his new apartment. lots of opinions!
we took off at about 4:30, so we could be home by 8pm or so. everything was going great, and about a half hour before home we stopped to get a sandwich. we were off the road for maybe 10 minutes. got back in the car, kept driving, and all of the sudden there were fire trucks and police cars everywhere, going our direction. 1.7 kilometers before our exit, everyone stopped. and waited, and waited, and waited. finally we all had our cars off, and were walking around. no end in sight. stau. heard on the radio that there had been an accident with 5 cars [nobody killed but all were hurt], and that the road was closed until 1am. so we put on our extra clothes and tried to keep warm! we saw the moon rise! it was so weird, like we were camping but on the autobahn with hundreds/thousands of other cars. i was getting really sleepy and all of the sudden after 3 hours at like 11pm we heard cars starting... and saw lights turning on... so we quick turned on the car and got ready- and got to keep driving! sooooo thankful. we were only 20 minutes from home but it could have been 2 or more hours waiting there. so thankful that God had us pull off when we did- we might have been in the accident. so thankful we were safe.. even though it was a little disappointing to be stuck so close to home with no way off the road!
so by 11:30pm we were both home and getting settled in. 2 crazy days but such a blessed trip. God is so good. Dank U Vel, mijn Herr!

what i've been up to this week.

by sunday i'll have led worship 6 times in 8 days! ai chihuahua.

this picture is from cc herborn's youth group on sunday! it was their first day in their new room. really sweet time, and i was super blessed by the message as well.

my throat and neck are still messed up. trying to take it easy today and tomorrow aka not singing or getting talked into leading worship! :)

got to lead worship last night for the bible college's koinonia. sweet time of praying for outreach teams too.

the sun is out. i am sooooooo thankful.

we didn't get to do our super awesome deal last night so i'll post about it once it actually comes to pass.

lots of plans still in constant change.

trust in the Lord and do good. dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness.

delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

commit your way to the Lord and He shall bring it to pass..

chill monday.

thanks for praying! life's been crazy, but so blessed.

my teaching at chozen girls at the cc siegen youth group on friday went well! our theme was "God is faithful- so let us hope in Him!" i had the girls take turns reading verses that have really encouraged me this past year, and we worked our way through psalm 23 to see how faithful God really is as our Good Shepherd.
worship at cc herborn's youth group also went really well yesterday- lots of sweet people.

my throat's been a little funky lately- will you please pray for it to feel better soon? i'm leading worship 4 times this week......
-tonight at monday night class [ccbc]
-wednesday at cc herborn's midweek service
-friday morning at ccbc morning devotions
-sunday morning at cc cross culture in nieuw veneep, holland!

please also pray for safe travels to and from holland, wisdom in preparing for upcoming trips, strength to persevere through a busy schedule, and that i will simply abide in the Lord and know that He'll produce the fruit.

also thursday looks like it'll be the day for a new venture in musical goodness- more on that to come :)

lots of love from germany! i pray that you'll know and believe God's love for you today, and abide in it richly and contentedly.

And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

We love Him because He first loved us.

1 John 4:16-19

guten morgen from siegen! i saw the sun for a few minutes early this morning but it's clouding over and the rain shall assuredly come, as surely as the sun does rise. thank you all for your prayers. all my travels have been safe and very blessed. i've had a few adventures but never once have i gotten lost, missed a train/bus/plane, had overweight luggage fees, anything. all good things come from the Lord's hand!

so, london. here's a brief overview:
-arrived thursday afternoon. debbie picked me up at the tube station and brought me home. prayer meeting was sweet that night. i was informed that the last time i was in london with the siegen team two years ago, we were so exhausted from our bristol trip that we've ever since been known as "the sleepy team, because you were so shattered when you got here!" i remember that sleepiness!
-friday i slept in, then went across the thames to greenwich for part of the day. it was in the 80s the whole time i was in london. it never once rained. it was unexpected, to say the least, and a huge blessing!! sunshine always encourages my heart. :) so, debbie showed me around greenwich a bit, and after she went home i went up to greenwich park and read and prayed for a while, and looked around a bit. friday night dan and debbie came over to have dinner with us, which was really nice.
-saturday i met my friend jeremy in london, and we had all sorts of adventures! saw covent garden real quick, walked to trafalgar square, looked around the national gallery for a ship-in-a-bottle exhibition that apparently closed over a year ago, but saw some monet paintings to make up for it! we ate lunch in the crypt cafe beneath St-Martin-in-the-Fields church, then headed toward the river. rode on a sweet singing elevator multiple times in a concert hall, got an ice cream on westminster bridge [maybe it has another name?], walked beneath big ben, hung out in a park between the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey until the appointed time when we were admitted into the abbey for the 3pm Evensong service! how glorious, and somewhat strange. pipe organ, choir with boys and men, gorgeous unreal architecture, a really long song-prayer to michael the archangel, and a few legit scriptural references. so that's what the church of england is like. interesting. after that we were tired so we came back to debbie and marshall's and hung out, and i got worship ready for sunday. then back into town for some delicious marks&spencer goodies for dinner, and then back to St Martin in the Fields for a candlelight baroque concert! we only stayed for half but it was quite nice indeed. it was great to hang out with jeremy again and catch up on all the Lord's been doing in each other's lives. we used to lead worship together in germany.
-sunday i got to lead worship at calvary docklands & city. what a sweet church! oh how dear they are. i recognized several people from before, and made new friends as well. super blessed to be back to visit them again. after church we had Pret for lunch and then debbie and marshall drove me around to london bridge station where i was to take my train. they have an awesome vintage looking car that has a tiny backseat and an even smaller boot [trunk], so we put the top down [it's also a convertible], stood my suitcase on its end on the backseat, i held my other suitcase on my lap, and we were off! it was a lovely day to cruise the streets with the top down. :) got to the station and went upstairs to find the right platform, and then i was informed that although i'd bought a ticket to the airport to leave from that station, there was no train running from there to the airport today! so the man quickly rattled off the 2 tube lines i'd need to take to get to a station where i could catch the train. so, off i went, two suitcases in tow. i made it! praise the Lord. He led me the whole way. made it to the airport with plenty of time, had a snack, eventually got on the plane and flew to germany! simon and michelle picked me up- as usual, it was a very joyous reunion. they brought me back to the BC apartments, where i'm staying. feels like home all over again!

germany thus far:
-monday: breakfast with katja and sabine. german breakfast beats every other breakfast anywhere, ever. afterwards bin and i had a wander in the wald [forest]. beautiful. later michelle and simon picked me up and i hung out with them for a few hours. went to the villa and hung out with everyone there for a bit, then janina picked me up and we went to cafe bar celona to hang out with marco, annika, micha, and jan. i was a little slow getting back into german-speaking mode, but they were all helpful. so good to be with these friends again! this is the family of my heart.
-tuesday: got up early, walked to devos with britta, hung out in the coffeebar for the morning, had döner with kerstin and sabine, came home for the afternoon, and went to women's discipleship in the evening. so encouraging. it was lovely getting to sit in on not one but TWO worship sessions where i didn't have to lead. refreshing and sweet.
-wednesday/yesterday i spent all day with michelle! walked up to her house, had waffles and coffee, went into town and did a little shopping and a lot of talking, had a coffee, and later got pizza and brought that home to eat while we watched Tangled. she leaves for peru on saturday, so we had to make sure we hung out before she left! we have this crazy habit of only ever being in the same continent for a few days at a time before one person leaves. we'll get to hang out once she's back though!
-this morning i got to lead worship at the bible college for devotions. what sweet people are here this semester. i love them all already. then karen brought me home and i've been drinking tea and working on preparing for tomorrow night when i teach at chozen girls, the girls' ministry of the youth group! looking forward to it.
-later i'll head back to the BC for lunch and all-school prayer, maybe study some more, and go to the soup kitchen downtown tonight to help out.
-tomorrow i'm playing piano for karen's first choir practice, studying some more, hanging out with susanne, and teaching at chozen girls!
-wedding on saturday, leading worship at cc herborn youth group on sunday, going to cc siegen sunday night hopefully.
busy busy but soooo good!

so, if you've made it this far down [whether by reading or scrolling, i care not how!] please pray for:
-a continued blessed time in siegen
-balance between people/rest/ministry
-the Lord to really speak through me as i study and prepare to teach the youth group girls tomorrow night!!!!
-time and opportunity to see everyone
-continued direction for yet-unmade plans. lots of opportunities!
-that i'll be a blessing, hopefully as much as i'm already being blessed!

thank the Lord for the fellowship of believers!! thank Him for using this church/bible college to send out SO MANY into europe as missionaries. nearly every single person i've stayed with has some kind of connection to siegen. it's awesome to see how the Lord has used and is using this place. thank Him for all His goodness!

thank you for praying for me and being with me on this missionary journey! this is a huge blessing for me personally but i know it is a huge blessing to your account that you are following along and praying for these things and for me. it is fruit to your account.

much love, a.

ps next week is TBA but it'll be grand, let me tell you!

going into london today! the sun is rising over the thames and it looks like another glorious morning. God is so good.